If I'd known How To Save a Life
by I'mWritingBecauseOfCarlyShay
Summary: A song fic based on "How to save a life" by The Fray. Sad one shot. Jalex. Ratd M for death, otherwise it would have been T. Oh yeah...One shot


**Heres something I didn't do yet, a song fic. I found my old i-pod yesterday, this song touched my heart. It inspired me to write this! Don't worry Wild emotions is on its way. And if you are into smut, read my new one shot.**

**SONG IS IN BOLD**

_Flashbacks in Italics_

Alex was sitting, looking at what she had in her ands. Thinking. She looked up at the ceiling, to the chair in her room to what was in her hands, in her hands.

She thought back, back to when it started. She remembers their first kiss, how it happened. Oh the surprise. Oh the happiness.

They were fighting that day, she couldn't remember why. She didn't care why.

_Alex looked at Justin giving him a death stare, when he didn't back down and give her back her phone._

_Alex had moved closer, a little to close for comfort. She could see Justin's reaction. She could almost feel it. The new tension that just entered the room. It was something neither of them felt before. Something different, something new._

_Justin was clearly distracted, thinking. Alex didn't know exactly what. She snapped back to reality and grabbed reached to grab her phone only to have Justin grip her arm as soon as he takes it._

_This causes them to move even closer, their faces barely separated. Justin blushes. He doesn't know what he's thinking when he leans in for the kiss._

_Alex is paralyzed by his stare, everything is happening to fast, she doesn't think she just reacts. She finds herself kissing him back by the time reality hits her._

_She pulls away. Justin quickly realizes what they have just shared and they give each other weird looks. They slowly leave each other. _

_They didn't speak to each other much after that, they never mentioned the kiss. They both felt something was happening between them._

Alex gave a little smile, thinking about the good times always made you feel better. Then she thought of what happened after, her smile ceased. Tears started to form.

**Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through**

"_Justin" Alex said as she stood at his open door, she was looking down fidgeting. She continued, her voice was quite low and weak sounding. "I think we need to talk about what happened a couple days ago._

_Justin saw where this was probably going. He wanted to act normal Just in case it was about something else._

_He stood up and went up to her. "What is it Alex" He said with a calm smile, or at least that was what he was trying to do._

"_No, I think we should sit and close the door. We don't want anyone hearing this." Alex said entering his room._

"_So this is about that…" Justin said as he sat down._

_Alex was thinking of speaking, but was beaten to it. Justin knew there was something there that day, something that was wrong. So he thought it was best if they forgot about it and buried it._

"_Look, I'm sure we both feel weird about the kiss. It was probably the spur of the moment. We didn't know what we were doing. I mean isn't that what you think."_

_Alex felt slight depression, like that joy was being drained out through your feet. What Justin said was not what she expected. But truthfully she didn't even know what she expected. Why had she even come here?_

"_Ya, ….I just wanted closure that's all. Thanks." Alex couldn't help but feel she was lying._

"_So were um…were good?" Justin said with a questioning face. Justin thought she sounded a bit doughtful or disappointed._

_When Alex answered "ya". He convinced himself it was probably just his imagination. But now he couldn't stop thinking about it, about the kiss._

**Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
And you begin to wonder why you came**

_Alex was standing by the window and looked out thinking. She definitely felt something. But Justin seemed like he didn't feel the same. She looked back at Justin as he got up._

_Justin started to walk out of the room, he needed to get out. But calmly. He didn't need her to be suspicious He felt guilty. He didn't know exactly why. As left he said "I'm going to go for a walk, I feel a little stressed."_

_Alex Just looked back out the window and replied "Ya, sure."_

_She felt as if coming here and talking was a mistake._

Alex stops her flashback for a moment thinking that maybe she should have listened to him. Ended it there, maybe she would have gotten over it. But it was too late now.

**Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best**

She thought about what happened, nest the beginning of her dream, the beginning of what she wanted. Tears were still running own her eyes, se just kept staring at what was n her hand.

_The next couple days, Alex started to see changes. Changes in how She and Justin acted around each other. It was like there was a weird invisible presence when they were in the same room._

_She soon found herself avoiding eye contact, meeting his gaze made her feel weak. She tried to ignore it. But when she started to notice Justin's attitude towards her, she decided they needed to talk again._

_Alex found herself leaning against the entrance of Justin's room. He looked like he was deep in thought. He was lying down, staring at the ceiling._

_Justin was thinking, he couldn't believe what he was feeling. He knew it. He was….he was attracted to his sister. Not only that, but he saw she was feeling similar things, if not the same._

_He didn't even notice she was at the door until she said "Justin, are you busy?" She sounded afraid, like a little girl afraid of the dark entering her parent's room._

_He sat up and said "well, no actually. What do you want Alex. I have a lot on my mind right now-" He was cut off by Alex._

"_Me too, I started noticing changes in our….our relationship. I thought it was Just me, but then I saw how you looked at me yesterday and………I just trying to say I think its best that we need to talk….again."_

_Justin felt a ping of fear, he wished this wouldn't happen. He needed to end this, make sure it didn't escalate, it was for the better._

**Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence**

"_Look Alex, we talked about this. It was nothing," Justin said taking in a deep breath after he finished and continued. "Alex were-"_

_He was cut off again. "Justin, stop lying. I could see how you acted. I know what your feeling. And I feel it too." She said in a shaky, but serious voice. Tears started to form. _

_This was hard for her. Confronting him like this. He could tell. It was killing him to do this, but it was necessary._

_There was silence, until Alex looked up meeting his eyes as she said "Justin, I think I'm in love with you."_

_Justin felt shocked, like all his blood turned cold. He couldn't believe she said that. She waited for him to answer. Feeling worse the more she had to wait._

"_Alex, I…..I love you, but as a sister. Because that's what you are……My little sister"_

_Alex stared to cry, trying to hide it. She turned her face to the left and nodded, wiping her tears._

_He hugged her to comfort her, saying "Alex, don't cry. There's nothing to cry about, everything is alright."_

**Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And I pray to God he hears you  
And I pray to God he hears you**

Alex stopped thinking about it, not even wanting to think about what happened next. That's why she was here right? But she couldn't stop thinking about it, she needed to remember why she was doing this.

_Alex pulled away from him, wiping her eyes and gave an angry look at him. "Alright? Its not alright Justin, Do you have any idea how much this isn't alright?!" _

_She took a breath and wiped her eyes little more before she continued saying "Justin, we kissed and you're saying it meant nothing. It meant something to me Justin! I see what's happening between us. I'm falling for you Justin…" She was crying again._

_She continued looking up at him with her teary eyes "And now………Now you're lying to me. I can sense how you feel Justin………" _

_She saw the calm look he was giving her and she grabbed his arms and said" Stop hiding it!"_

**As he begins to raise his voice**

**You lower yours and grant him one last choice.**

**Drive until you lose the road**

**Or break with the ones to follow**

"_Justin!, Just tell me the truth!"_

_Justin saw her eagerness, her desperateness. She was losing herself, he needed to end this. It was the hardest thing he ever had to do._

_He pushed her hands away and raised his voice saying, "Alex, I'm not hiding anything! I don't love you like that, and if you keep doing this I don't think I can talk to you anymore!..........You are going crazy!"_

_Alex stepped back, and sad in a low voice. "Justin, I'm……… I'm going to tell you one last thing. I really believe I love you, and you can either tell me you love me or not………I'll accept it and I won't ever talk about what happened again."_

_Alex was crying even more now. This was her last attempt. She wanted the truth._

**He will do one of two things **

**He will admit to everything**

_Justin, wanted t tell her. Almost needed to tell her the truth. But he knew why he couldn't. It was the only thing stopping him. This entire thing was wrong. He couldn't let this happen, he kept thinking it was for the better. _

_But the way Alex was breaking down, he was starting to doubt it. He was ready to give in now._

**Or He'll say he's just not the same,**

**And you'll begin to wonder why he came**

_Justin was talking for a few moments, Alex was going to believe and accept whatever he said. She convinced herself that whatever he said now was the truth._

_Justin finally spoke, "Alex………Alex I don't feel the same thing, I'm sorry I-"_

"_No I get it, it's okay. I…I need to be alone. You don't have to worry, we won't talk about it anymore."_

_Alex stepped back, starting she was wrong. He was telling the truth the whole time, she just wanted to hear the answer she wanted. Not what he said. But now she had to accept it._

_She remembered sobbing, she couldn't stop. She didn't let anyone in her room. _

_The next couple days she was quiet, she was starting to worry everyone. Justin was beginning t doubt his thoughts. Maybe he should tell her. She didn't look like she was going to get any better. At least not any time soon._

_Soon, Justin knew he had to tell her or she would be like this almost forever. She wasn't herself anymore. She was to quiet she looked delicate and scared almost all the time. The fearless Alex he knew, the one he loved. She Wasn't there anymore._

**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And would I have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life**

Justin knocked on her door, when he heard no answer, he opened it. What he saw was smeared into his memory for the rest of his life. He would regret what he did every day he lived.

Alex finished tying the rope; she put it around her neck as she stood on the chair. This was it. She had given up, lost the will to live. She never thought she would be the kind of person to do so.

She was ready to jump, she closed her eyes. A tear escaped her as she said

"I love you Justin." She jumped, letting go of everything, letting go of her life.

There was great pain; her body craving for air as she slipped into the hands of death she faintly heard the knock at her door. But it was too late now.

**That took forever tow write!! I'm so busy, and I won't be able to write again for 2 days!! Don't worry I'm half way through the next Wild emotions chapter. It should be here in 3 days or so. **


End file.
